Home is where my Heart is
by tinypixy
Summary: Emma finds out about Killian's adventures during the past year and can't believe what he went through (this takes place after 3x19).


When Emma closed the door of her room at Granny's, her right hand resting on the wood while her delicate fingers on her left embraced the cold knob maybe a little too tightly, she wore a bittersweet smile on her lips, a silent twitch radiating inside of her chest. She had left Henry at Regina's since both wanted to spend the evening together and Emma knew it was only fair to give them some privacy, now that Henry remembered again. She was happy for both of them, but still, she couldn't shake this uneasy feeling in the corners of her heart that made her realize that after today's events it would be very hard for her to leave Storybrooke together with Henry. Her plans to return to her old life in New York, once all of this was over, became uncertain the second she made her son believe again. Emma sighed. At this point she should have gotten used to this kind of disappointment, she thought, for being the Savior simply had its everlasting and very unsatisfying price. But none of this felt accustomed or by any means easy to her, the overwhelming waves of frustration still getting her down. She turned around and leaned her head against the wooden door, her eyes shut in resignation. When she opened them again while pushing her body away from the door and letting a silent growl escape her mouth, her eyes caught something on her bed. Emma squinted her eyes in the darkness, only the dull light from the streets giving her the chance to identify the square-cut object resting on her bed. When she came closer, she recognized the familiar leather cover of the thick book.

'What the hell?' she thought, being confused by its sudden appearance.

'Didn't Henry take that with him?'

Emma's brows furrowed in discomposure, her mother's words suddenly ringing in her ears,'It just showed up in my closet when I needed it'. Emma frowned rolling her eyes.

"Magic," she slightly shook her head. Though her mind had accepted magic being a part of her reality now, she still wasn't used to these kind of things happening to her. Emma guessed the book appeared here, so that Henry could read it again, once he was back from Regina's. She turned her back to the bed to make herself a cup of tea in the kitchen when an unexpected clunk made her startle in the dark.

"JESUS," she screamed. When she turned on the light, she saw the book lying on the ground, opened yet the cover facing the ceiling. Emma raised a brow suspiciously, checking the room for any living creatures.

'Maybe it was a cat,' it ran across her mind, though she rejected that thought again after discovering that all the windows were in fact closed. Emma shook her head yet again, bending down to reach for the fairy tale book. Just when she wanted to close it, she recognized her own face in one of the drawings.

"What the," she whispered. The page showed her standing in the echo caves, together with Hook and her parents, Neal sitting in a cage. When she forwarded the pages, she discovered that their entire Neverland adventure was printed in actual ink on the amber pages of the book.

"It updated," Emma gasped, wondering how much of their recent occurrences were an actual part of the storybook, already. She turned over to the last page to find a drawing of Regina kissing Henry, performing a True Love's Kiss. Emma's mouth opened with surprise, she wasn't expecting her real life to become part of a fairy tale book, which just felt strange to her. She couldn't help but being baffled about her discovery, both of her brows still raised. Emma's fingers were just about to close the book again, when she abruptly stopped herself from it.

'Wait,' she thought to herself, 'if the book has updated with anything that has happened until today, then…' but Emma rejected her thought immediately. She had told him she didn't care what happened during the past year, so she'd keep her word. But then again, maybe an insight into some of the stuff that had happened during the time of her memory loss would help her to either overcome or solidify her trust issues with him. She was still uncertain whether or not to trust him, though something inside of her knew she could. It was her mind that still kept looking for deceptions and tricks. She had gone through this more than once and her experience told her not to trust anyone unless they're your actual family. It was both of them on the top of the beanstalk all over again. Emma remembered his genuine smile, the sparks in his eyes, his open hand that offered partnership; everything about him had told her she could trust him, yet, even back then, she couldn't take the chance that she was wrong about him. Though, when Emma thought back to this afternoon's happenings, she didn't see the same man in front of her. She had noticed that the optimism had vanished from his painted face, sadness covering his eyes. He had changed, yet her feelings about him remained the same, it was still her heart versus her mind.

'It won't hurt to risk a look,' she decided, curiosity not letting go of her. She turned back a few dozen pages and there it was; him, his face wearing the same familiar expression of melancholy on it, standing in front of his precious ship, the infamous Jolly Roger. Now that she thought about it, where the hell was his ship? She was so caught up in defeating Zelena and finding out what this new curse was all about, that she didn't even notice it was gone. Emma knew Killian still spent most of the time at the docks, but she wondered now what he was doing there if the Jolly Roger had disappeared.

It was just now that she realized that his hopeless eyes always stared out to the horizon, as if he was waiting for something… loved… to return – much like the searching eyes of a sailor's bride, awaiting her loved one to find his way back home. Emma felt a twitch in her stomach, anticipating something bad written on these pages she was about to read. She took a deep breath, trying to brace herself for whatever was waiting for her in this unknown story… which was his reality. Suddenly reading these pages felt like invading his privacy, much like reading someone's journal. Was she really going to do this?

'I have to know,' she decided, 'I have to be sure.'

And as she turned the page, Emma knew this wasn't going to be a fairy tale with a happy ending; this was going to be a tragedy. She started to read about him losing and reclaiming his ship, she read about him defeating Black Beard and letting down Ariel... but soon she decided to skip the next part, which was mostly about sailing the high seas, Smee and a few others by his side.

Then, though, she discovered another drawing, a man she had never seen before. He looked older than Killian, 50 maybe, wearing a dark cloak and a vicious smirk on his face, which made chills ran down her spine. Emma took a deep breath again and resumed reading.

—-

"Enjoy yourselves, gentlemen, the beers are on me," Captain Hook shouted to his crew, the men cheering in anticipation. As the Captain sat down, a waitress bringing the beers, he saw a man sitting in the corner of the room, a hood hiding his face. Captain Hook wouldn't have given him any attention, if it wasn't for the necklace he was wearing - a shiny-white bean tied to a leather ribbon. Captain Hook's eyes widened, the surprise of the discovery getting himself to his feet without even noticing it. He almost ran to the man's table, sitting down without asking for any permission.

"Is this," he asked with a trembling voice, his hook pointing at the bean. The man's head slowly moved up, meeting the Captain's eyes.

"Maybe," he answered with a low yet sharp voice, looking down again.

"Is it or is it not? Answer me!" Captain Hook almost shouted. When he noticed that everyone in the pub was staring at them, he lowered his voice.

"I have to know."

"It depends to what you have to offer," the man smirked. The Captain looked at the necklace, the bean looking identical to the last magic bean they had used to find their way to Neverland.

He answered without any hesitation, "Anything you want. _If_ this is what I hope it is."

"Aye, it is," the stranger still smirked, sipping his beer, while Captain Hook raised a brow.

"How can I be sure?"

"You can't." The man was clearly amused about the Captain's desperation.

"You have to keep the faith, I suppose. Do you have any other option?" Captain Hook felt mocked, he wasn't sure if he could trust this stranger, but something in his guts told him he was telling the truth.

"I thought there were no beans left, how is this even possible?"

"Look, boy," the man met his gaze again, his eyes almost without any color.

"Either you believe it, or you don't. It doesn't concern me, anyways." Captain Hook bit his lip, still unsure which path he should choose. He gave it a quick thought and decided the stranger was right, he had no other choice, he had to believe him. This bean possibly was his only way to bring him back to the land without magic.

"What do you want?" he asked, anger in his tone. The man smirked again, looking out of the window. His head pointed at the Captain's ship.

"No," he growled through his teeth.

"You said 'anything I wanted'. That looks like a nice vessel."

"Anything but… _her_."

"Your choice," the stranger smiled, looking down again so his hood covered his glassy eyes. Captain Hook looked out to his ship, his brows furrowed in deep despair. He had just won her back, he couldn't give her up again. But this was his only chance, there were no other ways to travel between realms.

"What are you going to do… with her?" he asked, almost whispering.

"I don't know, maybe I'll go out for a sail, or maybe," he grinned, "I'll burn her and sell some of her dust to the few witches that are left." Captain Hook's eyes widened, horror fogging their cyan color.

"If that's enchanted wood, that is. Is it? If it's not, she's no use for me, I'm afraid," the stranger said, hiding the bean inside of his cloak. The Captain sighed deeply, looking down and feeling a terrible pinch in his heart.

"Aye, it is," he exhaled.

"Then it is settled. The bean for your ship!" When his crew heard the last words while the stranger inconspicuously gave the bean to the Captain, Mr. Smee was the first one to run to him.

"Captain! What is this man saying? Is it true, you're selling the Jolly?"

"Indeed," Captain Hook replied with a low voice.

"But Captain, you can't do this, we just resc-"

"ENOUGH SMEE! I'M STILL YOUR CAPTAIN AND SHE IS _MY_ SHIP! THIS IS _MY_ DECISION!" he screamed, already leaving the pub. He felt Smee's gaze in his back, but he didn't look back when he almost ran to the harbor now. He had to believe it, he couldn't have lost the Jolly Roger, his home, for nothing. When he threw the bean into the ocean, it flying as if in slow motion, his heart skipped a beat and his hopeless breath almost choked him. Hook stared into the depth of the blue waters seeing nothing but his own distraught reflection. For a second he thought he was punched in the stomach and he felt like fainting, stumbling backwards.

"No," he whispered. He had lost everything. He had believed and he had failed. Again. This time he didn't even have any hope left to find another way back to _her_. Maybe Regina was right, there was no happy ending written for him. He was stuck here, forever.

But then, suddenly, the water began to move, starting to form the typical swirl Captain Hook just knew all too well. His eyes widened again, but this time they were shining in excitment.

"HAHA," he laughed, not able to grasp his luck, his hand touching his forehead. Then it instinctively went down his pocket and he looked at the golden compass he hadn't let go of just once, since Neverland. The Captain looked at his right, his apologetic eyes locked onto his ship - his Jolly Roger - for a long moment, feeling a distinct pain inside of his chest, as if an invisible hand was crushing his heart. A gentle breeze stroked his cheek, like the soft hand of a woman, soothing his torment.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before he jumped into the darkness of the swirl, hearing Smee's voice from afar.

—-

When Emma raised her head, hearing a knock at the door, she noticed that a tear was running down her cheek. She couldn't believe he had done this kind of… sacrifice… just to come here. But before she could even think about it any further, she opened the door, wiping away the tear with the back of her hand. It was him, Killian, standing at her door, looking as broken as ever.

"Swan," he said, "I came to apologize. It wasn't good form to take Henry-"

"Why did you do it?" Emma interrupted him.

"I told you, Zelena threatened me to-"

"No, not that." Killian blinked in confusion.

"I don't under-," he said, looking over to her bed and seeing Henry's fairy tale book, "stand." His head turned back to meet her gaze again.

"What do you mean, Swan?"

Emma's lips formed a line, her arms crossed. "I know about your ship."

Killian's brows furrowed, his eyes looking half sad, half offended. "I thought you didn't care."

Emma shrugged, "Well, turns out, I do." She looked him deeply into his sea-blue eyes, trying to find any answers to all of her questions.

"So, why did you do it?" Killian sighed, struggling for the right answer.

"You know why," he said, his voice low and husky. "I had to find you." Emma's lips parted slightly, her eyes blinking a few times.

"But she was... all you had. You loved her." 'I love you more,' was what ran across his mind, but he didn't make himself say the words. Instead, he just swallowed, his gaze never leaving hers.

"I had no other choice. I had to come back."

"Why?" Emma wondered, her face serious yet her eyes soft, reflecting a shade of green that reminded him of the forest at dawn. Killian didn't answer, but deep down Emma knew the reason why.

He did this, all of this, just for her. He risked his own life and sacrificed his most precious ship for her. He jumped into the portal, not even knowing how to find her in this world. He left everything behind... to save her, as he had told her back in New York. For a moment Emma got confused by her own suspiciousness. How couldn't she trust him? Though there was still a part of her who was scared that all of this was a sick trick, she forced herself to believe him. Killian's brows were still furrowed and Emma had to smile at the serious appearance of his face. She didn't want him to go through hell, but if he had to, she wanted to go through it by his side. He had done so much for her, already, now it was her turn. She looked at his bright pink lips and for a second she hated Zelena more than she ever had. Slowly she leaned forward, reaching for the corner of his mouth, Killian flinching away.

"It's okay," she whispered, a little smile encouraging him to believe it. For a moment she thought she heard his heart beat against his chest, and when she repeatedly leaned forward, she gently kissed his cheek, inhaling his sweet scent. When her heels touched the ground again, she met his eyes, both of them smiling now.

"Thank you," she whispered, thanking him for the countless times he had put her before any of his own needs. Killian only smiled in return, shyly and a little confused about this surprising act of gratitude, still one of his brows raised.

"What for?" he asked, but Emma only smiled at him, taking his good hand and leading him inside her room, her feet shutting the door with a careless kick.


End file.
